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These pages contain various filk songs relating to the work of Lois McMaster Bujold.
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Quinn the Admiral
by Jim Parish to the tune of - what else? - "The Mighty Quinn", by Manfred Mann
Everybody's wondering
She looks like just a pretty face,
She went out with that Naismith guy
Where they'll go;
Now that Naismith's left them,
Who's going to run the show?
All of them are in despair,
The Dendarii,
But when Quinn the Admiral gets there
Everybody's going to shout with glee!
Not from a world,
Of Kliner kin,
You've not seen nothing like our Elli Quinn!
Fighting the wars,
Plotting the win,
You've not seen nothing like our Elli Quinn!
But we all know she's not,
And Jackson thugs and Ceta spies
Soon found out what she's got.
Cetan ghem-lords, and Helda too,
Kept trying to get in her way,
But when Quinn the Admiral left there,
She was on her feet, and where were they?
For Miles V.
(Not Baron B.)
She went out hunting for the Terran-C.
And as her prize,
(To her surprise),
A thousand children by Athosian guys!
(Nobody'd call him cute,
But tall and handsome boys like I-
Van ain't her cup of newt.)
He saw her with each different face,
And loved her just the same;
But Quinn the Admiral said "No",
She didn't want to change her game!
Not on Komarr,
Nor Barrayar,
She loves her life out where the jumpships are.
Not where he's been,
Not Elli Quinn,
She'd not be happy with Vorkosigan!
(repeat first chorus and fade)
Barrayaran Girls, (Ivan's song)
by Diane Echelbarger to "California Girls" by the Beach Boys
Well the Beta girls are hip I really dig those styles they wear.
I wish they all could be Barrayaran,
Yeah, Sergyar has the sunshine and the girls all get so tan.
I wish they all could be Barrayaran,
And the Komarr girls with the way they talk they knock me out when I'm down there.
The Ceta Ghem-lord's daughters really make you feel all right.
And the Station girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night.
Wish they all could be Barrayaran,
Wish they all could be Barrayaran girls.
I dig a short sarong on a Beta Col'ny girl inside a dome beneath the sand.
I've been all round the nexus, oh, and I've seen all kinds of girls.
Yeah, but I can't wait to get back to my home, back to the cutest girls in the world.
Wish they all could be Barrayaran,
Wish they all could be Barrayaran girls.
My Little Merc Fleet
by Diane Echelbarger to "Little Deuce Coupe" by the Beach Boys
Little merc fleet; you don't know--
Well I'm not bragging, Duv, so don't put me down
It's my little merc fleet; you don't know what I got.
Just a little merc fleet with commando teams
It's my little merc fleet, you don't know what I got.
I've got a dreadnaught, and a cruiser and a whole bunch more
And coming out of hyper when the jump turns green
She's my little merc fleet, you don't know what I got.
You don't know what I got.
Little merc fleet; you don't know what I got.
But I've got the toughest set of mercs in town.
With subtley and subterfuge we hit on the fly
'Cause when you work for Simon Illyan, he don't settle for "try".
But we pull off covert ops like you've never seen.
Me, Elli and Elena on Dagoola IV.
Pulled a prison breakout left the Cetas floored.
With the latest Betan tech straight from ImpSec stores.
And if that ain't enough to win the battle clean,
there's one last trick. I call the Prince Serg, Daddy.
We pull off shuttle drops like you've never seen
I get pushed out of shape, it's a three-G smear
But my combat armor leaves me nothing to fear.
She's my little merc fleet, you don't know what I got.
Fiddler on Barrayar
by Sue Reynolds to "Matchmaker, Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof
(Olivia to Alys's social secretary)
'Cause Delia's got Duv Galeni,
Baba, dear baba, I've told my own da,
'Cause Kareen and Mark are a couple,
Baba, dear baba, please make the match soon,
(Alys to Cordelia)
(Ivan, to no one in particular)
Cause Delia is marrying Galeni,
Baba, dear baba, I misunderstood.
Baba, dear baba, please make me this match,
Find me my find, snatch me my catch,
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
I want Ivan for my own!
And Gregor's in love with a girl
From far-off Komaar. I just want
To dance in that patented Vorpatril whirl.
"That is the one." The first time I saw
Ivan, I knew he was meant just for me.
So why doesn't he see?
And Miles is off a-courting 'katerin,
And Aral and Cordelia are smiling
At visions of happy ImpWed scenes.
I want to be kissed by Winterfair moon.
Ivan's proposing but never to me,
So send him the news! Fill up the pews!
"Koudelka to use!"
And send me that matchless man.
Cordelia, Cordelia, have I got some news for you!
You know young Olivia? The one who's always blue?
She likes Ivan, yes Ivan, it's true. It's true.
She knows his eyes are wandering.
She swears she'll hold him tight.
A good family connection--should work out right!
You know he never asked her to marry him, it's true--
But she never turned him down. Think it'll do?
Baba, dear baba, please make me a match.
The Vor girls all look at me and they laugh.
Wish I could find me a girl of my own
And not be left all alone.
And Mark, that twit, has taken Kareen,
Miles has grabbed that Vorsoisson lady,
I'm left all alone on this unsocial scene!
I thought I had time. I thought that I could
Come up with someone who might just love me.
So bring me the rings, grind me the groats,
If she's in the palace, I'll swim through the moat,
To find me a girl that's free!
Sue Reynolds, who fear she may have skipped a verse. It's been a long time since high school.
Clone of my Own
by Patricia Mathews and Eric Oppen to "Home on the range"
Oh, give me a clone
Clone, clone of my own,
This clone of my own
Little clone of my own
With a Jackson's Whole outlook on life
And when he is grown,
My own little clone
Will bring nothing but trouble and strife
Whose presence means problems for all
He's rich and he's fat
Like a big feral cat
Who let butterbugs loose in the hall.
In a vat he was grown
He may make a Koudelka his wife
With the cash in his hand
To buy houses and land
His new family will have a good life.
My Heart Lives on Barrayar
by Lady Banjo (BJ van Look) to "God Lives on Terra" by Julia Ecklar
I was born on Barrayar
Now, somewhere in eighth sector
CHORUS
Now I've searched on Cetaganda
Yes, I've seen this whole grand galaxy
CHORUS 2
In the second week of fall
Where they kill the children who
Don't grow up straight and tall.
But the year that I turned 17
I failed in my plans
And I flew out from this world to which
Today I return a man.
There's a mercenary fleet
Which I long commanded
Through cold fear and battle heat
And, aye, they called me "Admiral"
When I wore their gray-and-whites
And fretting for their futures
Caused me many sleepless nights.
Yet, I still served Barrayar
The planet of my birth
The rising sun o'er
Dendarii Gorge, is
More lovely, far, than Earth.
And when I watched the sunset
O'er Vorkosigan Surleau
I knew that
I still served Barrayar
Tho' few knew I did so.
Through their stately pleasure domes;
And gave a nameless man a name
Where the Betans make their homes.
And I've made love to a werewolf
While trapped on Jackson's Whole
And when I died on that same world,
It saved my brother's soul.
And I thank ImpSec for that
I thank them for the chance to go
And the chance to now come back.
And I thank Simon Illyan
For the chance to be myself
To know, at last, Vorkosigan,
And put Naismith on the shelf.
And I still serve Barrayar
Though not in Service Greens
Why search the stars
For your heart's desire,
For something true and clean?
My work in Vorbarr Sultana
Shall never bring me shame
I know that
I shall serve Barrayar
The eleventh of my name
Yes
I shall serve Barrayar
The eleventh of my name.
That's how the Dendarii Free
by Greg Slade
There was a sudden hush in the bar as a dozen large soldiers dressed in grey and white entered. Ignoring the other patrons, they headed for the corner, where the house band had left their instruments when they went on their break. One of them fingered the keys of the synth. He picked out the tune of an ancient song called "The Pigeon Park Pirates", and then started singing:
The captives are cringing in terror,
their captors are cackling with glee.
Though their behaviour ain't handsome,
they're expecting a ransom,
astronomically.
There's a knock at the door of the hideout,
though nobody's supposed to be there,
then the ceiling is vented,
and the floor de-cemented
with battle cries filling the air:
The rest of the group joined in lustily on the chorus:
With a yo-ho,
let them all go.
We'll teach you the meaning of fear.
If you're a kidnapper,
you'll meet the hereafter,
because the Dendarii are here.
With a yo-ho,
let them all go.
Rescue's our specialty.
Wherever there's captives,
we become hyperactive,
and that's how the Dendarii Free.
A couple of men sitting at the end of the bar eyed the group warily, and began easing imperceptably towards the door as the soldiers continued singing:
Our Admiral was once a captive,
until he got himself free.
He acts just like Moses,
but only supposes,
that he's the new J.C.
They sent him to rescue a captive,
in the den of slavery.
He opened a way,
and then slipped away,
with not just one, but three.
Some of the other patrons found themselves tapping their feet, and even humming along as the chorus came around again. The men were halfway to the door by the time the third verse came up, and the patrons in the bar found themselves leaning forward to hear the words to the next verse.
We went in to rescue a clone creche,
grown up on Jackson's Whole.
Bharaphutra was furious,
and though he would bury us,
we scooped that clone creche whole.
We went in to rescue a major,
but he was the next thing to dead.
To recruit an army,
our Admiral's barmy,
he rescued the army instead.
By now, many of the patrons were nodding and laughing, and even joining in as the chorus came around again. The two men looked around nervously and bolted for the door as the next verse came around.
We went in to rescue a country,
which went by the name of Felice.
They were surrounded,
by those who got pounded,
'cause we are the planet police.
We dropped by a nice little planet,
which went by the name of Vervain.
The Cetas were gunning,
'til we came a'running,
and then they went running again.
As the final chorus ended to thunderous applause and laughter, a thirteenth soldier entered the bar. She stooped to avoid hitting her head on the lintel of the doorway, and held a struggling captive in each hand. As the room hushed, she held the one with the shiftiest eyes up to to her befanged face and bellowed, "If you don't tell me where the ambassador's daughter is, I'll rip you head off and drink your blood!" As he began babbling in terror, the location was nearly drowned out by the cheering of the crowd, but half a dozen soldiers dashed out into the night. The rest were mobbed by the bar's cheering patrons, each holding out a drink or a hand.
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Last updated: June 8th 2002