More Bujold Filk - Part 4

These pages contain various filk songs relating to the work of Lois McMaster Bujold.

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By popular demand[1], a second-order parody:
Mark Pierre
by Jim Parish to the tune of "Guitarzan", by Ray Stevens [2]

He's short and he's round
Kinda low to the ground
If there's money around
He will surely be found
'Cause he loves the sound
Of the wheels going 'round
He's a money hound

He's got a headful of friends
Serving various ends
When there's need they defends
Him, and his therapist mends
The ugly things they portends
That's the reason he sends
Her so much money - she tends
To his headful of friends

(Chorus)
Mark Pierre
Has the Black Gang there
They're loaded for bear
Better beware
Mark Pierre

There's a woman, Kareen
Of his heart she's the queen
'Cause she's never been mean
Even after she'd seen
All the things in his bean
She never made a scene -
Drou and Kou's Kareen

(Chorus)
Mark Pierre
And Kareen are a pair
They know that people will stare
It isn't fair
But they don't care

He's got some bugs that give but-
Ter - thank Enrique, the nut -
And he's taking a cut
Of what they make in their gut
'Cause he thinks that it's what
'll make him rich as old Tut
He'll have of money a glut

(Chorus)
Mark Pierre
He's the hit of the Fair
They're coming from everywhere
Hoping they'll get a share
From Mark Pierre

(repeat last chorus)

[1] Well, one person asked for it, anyway. Sorry it took so long, Kim - that rhyme scheme's tough!

[2] But, of course, all forced rhymes and limping feet are my responsibility.

In A Civil Campaign we see Miles's beloved maple mead assimilated by Ma Kosta's culinary genius into something delicious, and we see Mark as budding entrepreneur. Put them together and we might, later on, get this:

Mark's Jingle
by Mark A. Mandel sung to "Yankee Doodle Dandy", by Cohan

I like maple sugar brandy
Brewed from maple sugar mead
Right up in my own Dendarii peaks --
You know it's just what you need.
Smooth as maple sugar candy,
Hard as sugar maple wood!
(On) MY word as VorKOSigan,
Dendarii maple brandy
Will knock you for a loop
and do you... good!

Vormuir's depraved!
by Wayne B Houseknecht

No, not my wife and lover
I'm working undercover
Uterine replicators are all the rave

I'll have a hundred daughters
Mothers from every quarter
Gregor's got Laisa but Vormuir's depraved

I'll give a little sample
Plenty of eggs and ample
Batch after batch of little darlings I crave

They'll raise up one another
Each a surrogate mother
Gregor's got Laisa but Vormuir's depraved

My district is increasing
Cooked children never ceasing
Each one will marry and their taxes I'll save

But who's that investigating?
Auditor irritating!
Gregor's got Laisa but Vormuir's depraved

Then Miles was verbose again
(Typical Vorkosigan)
Vormuir's female phalanx was stopped at the third wave

Vormuir's look is proud and bold
As Emp'ror's response unfold
Gregors got Laisa but Vormuir's depraved

Now, Vormuir is a-screaming
Thus ends his foolish scheming
One hundred fifteen dowries from his vault shaved!

Miles and Ekaterin
Escape happ'ly from the scene
Gregors got Laisa but Vormuir's depraved!

Barrayaran Garden in the Shade
by Jean Lamb Ekaterin sings this: (tune of "Underwater Garden in the Shade")

I'm glad I made
Glad I got paid,
a Barrayaran garden
In the shade.

I'd like to see
a Skellytum free
in my pretty garden
In the shade...

Love-lies-itching
Gives off neat spores...
The feral roses
Just open doors!

(actually, I have a video of this, Mark replied seriously, and didn't seem terribly pleased)

(chorus)
I'm glad I made
Glad I got paid,
a Barrayaran garden,
In the shade.

That's How The Dendarii Free
by Greg Slade to the tune of "Lincoln Park Pirates", written by Steve Goodman

The captives are cringing in terror,
their captors are cackling with glee.
Though their actions aren't handsome,
they're expecting a ransom,
astronomically.
There's a knock at the door of the hideout,
though no-one's supposed to be there,
then the ceiling is vented,
and the floor de-cemented
with battle cries filling the air:

CHORUS:
With a yo-ho, let them all go.
We'll teach you the meaning of fear.
If you're a kidnapper,
you'll meet the hereafter,
because the Dendarii are here.
With a yo-ho, let them all go.
Rescue's our specialty.
Wherever they're captive,
we get hyperactive,
and that's how the Dendarii Free.

Our Admiral once was a prisoner,
until he got himself free.
He acts just like Moses,
but only supposes,
that he is the new J.C.
They sent him to rescue a captive,
from the den of slavery.
He opened a way,
and then slipped away,
with not just one, but three.

(CHORUS)

We went in to rescue a clone creche,
grown up on Jackson's Whole.
Bharaputra was furious,
and though he would bury us,
we scooped that clone creche whole.
We went in to rescue a major,
but he was the next thing to dead.
To recruit an army,
our Admiral's barmy,
he rescued the army instead.

(CHORUS)

We went in to rescue a country,
which went by the name of Felice.
They were surrounded,
by those who got pounded,
'cause we are the Planet Police.
We dropped by a nice little planet,
which went by the name of Vervain.
The Cetas were gunning,
'til we came a'running,
and then they went running again.

(CHORUS)

I Won't Give Up
by Larissa March to the tune of "I Won't Grow Up" from Peter Pan

I won't give up!
I won't give up!
I don't want to be a fool.
I don't want to be a fool.
I can't fake subordination.
I can't fake subordination.
I won't follow all the rules.
I won't follow all the rules.
I'm sure giving up would lead to failure in the end,
To compromise my honor or betray a friend, so
I'll never give up, never give up, never give up - not me!

I won't give up,
I won't give up,
Can't give up my silver Eyes,
Can't give up my silver Eyes,
I don't want a fit inducer,
I don't want a fit inducer,
But now they've caught me in my lies!
But now they've caught me in my lies!
So though it means I must give in,
I'll face my foes down with a manic grin...
I'll never give up, never give up, never give up - not me!

ARAL'S NIGHTMARE: Five Hundred Miles ...
by Lee Gold to the tune of "Five Hundred Miles" (originally published in Xeno #75:)

Just last month, from Jackson's Hole,
Came a note from Clone Control:
"We have closed a project down for lack of funds.
And the unclaimed property
Can be all yours legally,
Because the clone progenitor's your son."

So my wife said, "Yes, that's fine,"
And she signed the dotted line
And she started to remodel and to plan.
And I let her have her way:
It's our dear son's DNA,
But I'm desperate, and I hope you'll understand.

Lord, there's one! Lord, there's two! Lord, there's three! Lord, there's four!
Lord, there's five hundred Miles in our home.
Five hundred Miles! Five hundred Miles! Five hundred Miles! Five hundred Miles!
Lord, there's five hundred Miles in our home.

When I go to get a bite
In the kitchen late at night,
There's a dozen of them rummaging around.
ImpSec says a hundred Miles
Hacked into Top Secret files
And there just might be some more they haven't found.
CHORUS

Now the project's lack of cash
Means our boys are growing fast.
They didn't have the funds to keep them small.
In the one true wealth, I'm rich,
But I can't tell which one's which.
Don't know how my Captain keeps track of them all.
CHORUS

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Last updated: June 8th 2002