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Jeff Melcher (Pouncer) said to the Lois-Bujold list in late November
2001:
As we are bombarded with carols played and carols twanged and carols barked
and carols at the mall and carols at work and carols in commercials and
carols where ever we go... So it occurs to me that, in self defense, we
ought to fight back. Who's up for a few rounds of Winterfair Filk?
By Jeff (Pouncer) Melcher unless otherwise noted.
On the twelfth day of Winterfair,
my true love sent to me ( *Inhale!* )
Twelve Vor Lords leaping
Eleven Ladies dancing
Ten plotters plotting
Nine Ghem spies watching
Eight Greekies joking
Seven Herms confusing
Six Usurpers lurking
Five Dendarii! (boom boom boom...)
Four Koudelka girls
Three shock sticks
Two Necklin Rods
And a brand new covert ident'ty
(gasp, gasp, gasp...)
Oh, Miles Vorkosigan was a manic, frantic soul
There must have been some feathers on
Said Miles Vorkosigan as he hurried from the fray,
with an upthrust chin and a quirky grin
and his eyes fixed on his goals.
Miles Vorkosigan, was a courier they say,
going to and fro -- Only ImpSec knows
how he risked his life each day...
that unseen hat he wore
and when he placed it on his head
he reversed the tides of war.
"Whatever I can do, Marilac can too;
and I'll be back again some day."
Ivan, the tall dark Vor Lord led a very active life
All of the other Vor Lords, Used to smile at Ivan's games.
But one lonely Winterfair two girls turned him down.
Then how the Vor Lords mocked him. And they shouted out with glee;
"Ivan, you idiot! Now what? Find yourself a Vor Lay-Deeee."
and if you ever saw him, you'd think he'd never want a wife.
They'd tell each other "Ivan, has it made with all his dames."
"Ivan, you're a charming pup,
but come back when you're all grown up."
O Little Town of Silvy Vale upon the lake so bright
Below the waves the past recedes into the silent night
Yet in your new school shineth education's glowing light
The hopes for all our children now reach for greater height.
Emporor Gregor reflected
Komarr with its massive domes
Sergyar undeveloped
Barrayar is home to him
On his planets three
Komarr, Sergyar, Barrayar
Defferences of each
And Soletta mirror
Make the planet livable
Carry air masks here
Plagued by nastly worms
Run by two Vorkosigans
Rules are fair but firm
Though problems there abound
Backwater hicks and politics
Challenge him, so he has found
You'd better watch out,
Simon Illyan's watching you all.
He's making two lists:
Simon Illyan's watching you all.
He knows when you've been sleeping,
He never forgets, he never forgives,
Simon Illyan's watching you all.
you'd better not spy,
you villains and louts
had better not try,
one short and one long.
He knows who is who
and he knows who's done wrong.
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you're forsworn or not,
So be loyal for Gregor's sake...
He knows what you think
and he knows where you live.
I'd like to build my world some domes
I'd like my world to be as warm
That's the dream I see,
and heat them from above
with solar rays both night and day
from a snowflake that I love
(dum de-dum, dum-dum)
and green as it can be;
to breathe the air out everywhere
.. and to own the air company!
what my world needs today,
I'll repair the wreck of commerce and tech --
When the Barrayarans go away.
Sixty 'Counts of Barrayar are
Gold so yellow, gold so bright
bearing gifts to our Emperor
golden coins our e-payments join
financing Empire, oh
worthless now, but miser's delight
We'll be seen with hands between his
Pledged to our liege lord's rights.
I'm scheming to become Empress
I'm scheming to become Empress
I'm letting lesser plots all go
I'll abandon the Rangers
to Ceta dangers
and dump Metzov, (he can't know...)
With all my will and wiles and might.
I'll make sure my clutches are tight,
And all paths to victory look bright.
Spy-eyes and stunners and climbing spool tackle
Skinsuits that armor 'gainst disruptor fire
When shuttles drop
I wish that more space armor came in my size,
Noseplugs and earplugs for comm with no crackle
Throat mikes that pick up my least murmurings
These are a few of my favorite things.
(ding ding, ding ding)
SPACE ARMOR that armors 'gainst anything higher
and personal plasma mirrors Betan techs bring
These are a few of my favorite things.
When battle's joined,
When shit hits the fan,
or wish this set was plumbed, for a man...
Vordarian ran into Cordelia
He'd been courting Serg's widow,
Vordarian ran into Cordelia
The usurper stood there blinking
Vordarian ran into Cordelia
(spoken: "Actually, experience suggests the loss will be
everything from the neck on up..." )
(change to a higher key for the final chorus)
Vordarian ran into Cordelia
While trying to usurp, one winter's eve.
You may think that Betans are non-violent
But me and Simon Illyan, we believe.
Hoped to be the prince's da
Tried to burst the Regent's marriage
but his plots all had a fatal flaw.
Trying to usurp one winter's night.
But Illyan knew from vivid first impressions
what would be the outcome of that fight.
While Cordelia showed a shoe
to the grieving prince's mother --
before the Count quite knew it, he was thru.
Trying to usurp the Regent's place
but Simon Illyan might have told him
Dare the Admiral's Captain; you'll lose face.
While trying to usurp one winter's eve
Some may say that Betans are non-violent.
But me and Simon Illyan, we believe.
There's a city off in the distance,
They have caused us no end of trouble,
'Til some decades after the fight,
I suppose it's not very subtle,
putting up a stiff resistance,
And Vorkosigan's our worst foe.
Make it glow, make it glow, make it glow.
so let's nuke their homes to rubble,
Then some phosphorous salts we'll sow.
Make it glow, make it glow. make it glow.
when the battles are over and though
when they look to their hills at night
They will still see their sky glowing blue.
but it brooks of no rebuttal
and it's the single best trick we know.
Make it glow, make it glow, make it glow.
Just hear his medals clinking and jingle, tinkleing too.
O, Emperor Gregor come on, it's so uncommon to view
There's old Simon Illyan lying in a sickbay bed,
Just hang the chain around him (it weighs him down a bit,
too)
He's come in full House livery, a'special delivery for you.
Our young Lord Miles Vorkosigan, full of boasting anew.
And his memory chip is going to snot inside his head,
The surgeons won't do a single thing,
Your Vor Lord asks you why.
Why not appoint him Auditor and watch the sparks all fly?
Give him a pliant helper with giant loyalty true.
He'll flip all Cockroach Central for Haroche's mental
review.
It always makes us smile just to see what Miles can do.
I had a puppy bright and fair,
(Spoken, "Unless --")
I'm getting nutted for Xmas,
Richars took it from me.
I had a father wise and rare.
Richars took him from me.
Had the District running well,
Brought the Armsman 'neath my spell
But it can't last, yes I can tell,
Richars takes all from me..
I've cloned the organs from Dad,
I'm getting nutted for Xmas,
Oh BOY! Won't Richars be mad?
Winterfair Index
Webpage created by Michael Bernardi
All filks © 2000-2001 the original authors.
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Last updated: June 8th 2002
Originally Uploaded: December 9th 2001